Wednesday, July 27, 2011


Communication is a difficult thing, particularly when you're trying to bridge a generation gap.

Me: "Blah, blah, blah ...Yeah, he's such a hipster."

Tutu: "Oh, well you don't want that. Guys with big hips always gain weight after they get married."

Me: "Yeah, not what I meant."

For purely selfish reasons(I hate to be misunderstood), I've put together a list of practical, easy-to-understand definitions of the words/stereotypes/labels the kids are using these days. But before I continue,

1. This is not just for old people, I often get confused when people use the words hipster and indie so liberally.

2. Obviously I made these definitions up, so they're not actually from a legitimate source(Unless you consider me a legitimate source, then by all means, quote freely.)

3. This is not Urban Dictionary, it's 1000 times cooler. Besides the only people that still read Urban Dictionary are tweens and people that want to post a status about the definition of their name.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you .... today's slang(I just decided I hate the word slang):

Hipster - Hipster does not = Indie. Hipsters base their wardrobe, music taste, and behavior off what is "cool." AKA they're just trendy. Hipsters shamelessly hop on bandwagons like the Zooey Deschanel bangs, huge nerd glasses, TOMS, and shopping at D.I. Hipsters often look like Indie kids, because being Indie is cool all of a sudden(which should make it uncool...)

Indie - Unlike Hipsters, Indie kids base their wardrobe choices off their music tastes. They dress like their favorite musicians, which is why there are so many Tegan & Sara mullets, mustaches, and lumber jack plaid shirts running around. Basically they look like sweaty, homeless people and wear a lot of "vintage."

Bro - (Bro Ho is the female version, they just wear tank tops and booty shorts.)FYI, bro is pronounced more like bra. Bros(brothers? brethren? Name that movie.) wear logo t-shirts(like skate or bike or surf or motocross company logos), Dickie shorts or averagely skinny jeans, black or white socks that hit mid-calf, and Vans. They talk like they're permanently high, and are always fisting a Rockstar.

Tool - Generally tools are guys. Katie's been trying to coin the term "toolete," but I don't think it's working, kind of like the word fetch .... Gretchen. From a purely fashion standpoint it involves a lot of True Religion jeans, or just bedazzled jeans in general, Ed Hardy, fancy graphic tees, v-necks that show off how much time they spend at Gold's Gym, and a backwards baseball hat from summer sales. Personality traits: He loves himself, he loves dance parties, he loves himself, he loves energy drinks, GNC, random hook-ups, and he loves the gym. But most importantly, he loves himself, a lot.

Granola - I usually only use this word when talking about girls that don't wear make-up, curl their hair, and only wear Tevas and Chacos. Guys can be granola too though. It basically just means you're outdoorsy and love REI and hiking and bugs. Often times they're International Relations or Women's rights majors and they will not let you forget it. Trust.

Prep - Think J.Crew, Ralph Lauren, BR, Gap. Preps love Sperrys, driving moccasins, cardigans, gingham, bow ties, and tucking their shirts in. I think Prep is universally understood, it doesn't really change too much.

Hippie - Don't get this one confused with granola. Granola kids still buy their clothes at a regular store. Hippies make their clothes, wear recycled clothing, or go without clothes completely. Mostly they just don't wear shoes, or wash their hair, and they talk about third world countries a lot, but not in the trendy TOMS way. They also love to be self-righteously vegan.

Poser - Yeah I just brought this one back from 1999. It means people that try too hard to fit into one of the definitions listed above.

Are these definitions stereotypes? Yes. Are they sweeping generalizations? Yes.

But, now maybe when I tell Tutu some guy's a tool, she won't think he's a wrench.


Monica said...

You are hilarious. Seriously. And the movie is she's the man. I win. I especially love your definition of tool. He loves himself. Goodness yes.

Halie said...

There's a fun category that's a mix of your bro and tool. I like to call it the "sweet bro". Baseball cap backward, white sunglasses, loves the gym, loves to talk about how much he can bench press, is more interested in talking to you in order to tell one more person how cool he is, etc.

Wasdensc said...

OK, I have to say that I love the fact the you put "Gretchen" in there... just thought I would weigh in with that one.