Wednesday, January 12, 2011

I am not an athlete.

: a person who is trained or skilled in exercises, sports, or games requiring physical strength, agility, or stamina.

My lack of athletic ability is not a secret. I don't enjoy exercising, sports, or games that require running of any kind. I'm clumsy, and climbing the stairs south of campus leaves me gasping for breath.

My parents knew I lacked an affection for physical exertion when they signed me up for soccer in 1995. (Don't you love how much older that makes me sound? I do.) Dad was my coach, Jana Laidlaw and Danielle Whittle were my teammates, and we didn't win a single game. Part of it could be that as soon as they blew the whistle for kick off, I would hold hands with Danielle and Jana, and we'd run down the field together. We also had issues with picking dandelions instead of playing defense.

Soccer didn't really work, so in 8th grade I tried out for cheerleading. Cheerleading is ten times more girly than soccer, and we all thought I'd be better at it. Wrong. One afternoon while basing a basket toss, my partner Brittany came in to0 close and caught her braces on my cheek. Thirty seconds later Kylie Bickmore landed on my head. One broken middle finger later, I quit.

The summer before my sophomore year of high school, my friends convinced me to try out for cross country. I ran two miles, passed out, and then walked home because Mom wouldn't come pick me up. Not to mention, I have NEVER lived that down.

Eventually I found swimming. You don't get overheated, it's not a contact sport, and no one every really relied on me to do well. Win-Win. Don't jump to conclusions, I'm still not an athlete. I like to swim, but I'm not great. I really had to work for average times. We have several home videos of random swimmers my parents thought were me, but in actuality, I was several body lengths behind them. This is also why I quit swimming halfway through my senior year to be in the musical.

I took the color code test the other day and found out that I'm red/blue(big surprise), which means if something doesn't interest me, I'm not going to do it. Which would explain my poor gym attendance.

Why am I telling you all of this? To preface this video:

If you look carefully, you'll see me in the back, struggling on the monkey bars. Story of my life.


Jana said...

I am reduced to tears right now. Not tears of sadness, but of laughter.

Matt Lents said...

Swap cheerleading with tennis and we're the same person. Particularly having issues with any staircase larger than five stairs.

Monica said...

hahahahahaha was that seriously you?! BEST.VIDEO.EVER.

Candace Stevenson said...

hahaha K you are freaking funny. I love that vid as swell. anddd your blog is ah-dorable!