Wednesday, January 26, 2011

(Wo)Man Code

I think the Man Code is dumb. It lets guys keep ugly mustaches, wait 3 days to call, and feel entitled to forget your birthday. Although the execution is poor, the concept is valuable. Women need such a code, well-written of course, to protect friendships, balance back-stabbing, and check mood swings. I'd call all women to a convention in Philadelphia to draft an official charter, but we just don't have that kind of time. Born a dictator, I've made up my own, and am single-handedly ratifying it as the official Woman Code of the greater Provo area.

1. Any woman may point out another woman's mustache, or unibrow, without fear of penalty.

2. A woman may not ever blame "that time of the month" for catty, vindictive behavior.

3. The divulging of another woman's bad habits, in front of a handsome man, is strictly prohibited.

4. A woman does not call other women degrading names like "slut," "skank," "whore," or "B****."

5. No woman ever leaves her house without applying deodorant.

6. A woman does not wear cross trainers and jeans.

7. A woman does not name drop brands or ask the price.

8. If a woman's boyfriend/husband gets sick, she must at least pretend she made the soup.

9. A woman is only allowed to be 5 minutes late.

10. A woman never criticizes a friend's boyfriend, only nods when the friend brings up his idiotic behavior.

11. A woman never lets her friend leave the house dressed like a prostitute.

12. A woman does not mystic tan.

13. A woman is always grammatically correct.

14. A woman does not date a friend's ex-boyfriend, unless she has permission from said friend.

15. A woman does not chase after men, men come to her.

16. A woman does not wear Juicy sweatsuits, or anything bedazzled for that matter.

17. A woman writes thank you notes.

18. A woman does not text, call, or message ex-boyfriends to tell them she misses them.

19. A woman does not express an opinion, unless she is well versed in the topic of discussion, and can support her argument with fact.

20. A woman does not abuse her feminine charm. (Unless she needs basketball tickets.)

If any of these laws are broken the woman in question is stripped of her title, and will from then on be known as just a girl.

*Women are exempt from extending girls the courtesies extended to women. (Particularly the name calling.)




9 comments:

eliesa miraye said...

Oh I love this. Truly inspired :)

Wasdensc said...

A lot of this amazing and insightful list sounds very familiar... I am glad or long chat produced something valuable and useful.

lauren said...

This is a great code! I will try my best to follow it.

Monica said...

awesome

Matt Lents said...

Okay, number 11 is way too much to ask of girls. I mean, Halloween just wouldn't be the same if girls dressed like sister-wives.

Kaleena J. said...

Haha so awesome. Go you.

Hailey said...

only caitlin...

Wasdensc said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Miss Mae said...

I love this!

& I agree with number 16 more than you know.