Tell me you've been there.
You're at lunch, dinner, a movie, wherever, and a good friend of yours has invited a third party with the hopes you'll hit it off and all three of you can be besties. Now you're annoyed because third party may not want to analyze so-and-so from high school's baby's crazy hair, or talk about the misfortunes of your perpetually single brother. But for a moment you allow yourself to entertain the thought that this third party could be rad, and you could gain a new yoga partner/blog follower.
Until, your friend says, "You are going to love third party! You should know though, she is brutally honest, and I mean brutally honest."
As soon as those two words leave your friend's mouth, all hopes of a fantastically gossipy yoga partner or blog worshiper die.
Third party is rude.
Third party is rude, and instead of owning up to her bad manners, she's masquerading them as honesty. And you, you are going to have to sit through a lunch full of "Don't take this the wrong way..." or, "I just have to say...," or my personal favorite, "I'm just being honest..."
If there is the possibility that someone could take what you're saying the "wrong way"(aka the way it sounds, and most often exactly what you mean) - don't say it.
You don't have to say anything - keep that in mind.
And lastly, honesty and politeness are not mutually exclusive. Honesty also does not always mean speaking your mind - not all of your thoughts are diamonds.
Maybe you're thinking, "Honesty is the best policy Cate. What do you have against honesty huh? Do you like liars?! DO YOU WANT ME TO LIE CATE?!?!?!"
If you're thinking that, you are third party.
Listen, no one is asking you to lie through your teeth, or even to tell white lies. But sometimes, rather than saying what you think, just don't say anything at all. If the words that are about to emerge from your lips are not constructive, relative, informative, or kind, forget them before they offend everyone within a ten mile radius, or make someone cry.
Not caring what other people think isn't necessarily a character trait that deserves pride. Be proud of compassion and kindness, that way when people find out you're coming to lunch, they won't make up a hair appointment to avoid listening to you.
| | <-----That's my soap box. Don't worry, I've stepped down so we can talk about
shoes and be friends again.