Thursday, December 9, 2010

The Christmas Letter.

Christmas cards are so hilarious, especially at my house. There generally tends to be a lot of pouting, crying, and I'm pretty sure blood was drawn last year. I really wish people could see the 5 frames before the actual photo we send out. Well, actually I don't, because that would be horribly embarrassing.

But, the hilarity of my family's Christmas photo is not the issue today. The issue is Christmas card letters. You know, the little insert tucked in between the impeccably photoshopped family, and the politically correct Christmas card. I do feel like before I continue I should make it clear that I love Christmas letters. I think that for the most part, they're sweet, and they make it possible for me to know what everyone's been up to for the last year. However, there are those that abuse the Christmas letter. Lately, more and more letters have turned into bragfests. They normally turn out like this:

Greetings from the Perfect family! We've had such a busy and exciting year! It's been so full of trips to Europe, award banquets, new cars, a brand new 13 bedroom home, a yacht, and a humanitarian trip to Africa!

Jim just made partner, has a corner office, and just upgraded his BMW. Jim also runs several non-profits, and was recently elected Governor. And, while he was serving as Bishop for the 15th time, he was released and called as Stake President, imagine that!

Carol is serving as President of the PTA, Stake Relief Society President, and is the Team Mom for the Kelly's soccer team, Joseph's football team, Natalie's tennis team, George's swim team, and Tiffany's golf team. She was also named Mother of the Year, and wrote a cookbook!

Kelly is a senior in high school, student body president, National Honor Society president, Prom Queen, Miss Teen USA, has a 4.9 GPA, led her soccer team to a state championship and was just accepted to Juilliard for piano performance!

Joseph is a junior in high school, captain of the football team, president of the debate club, Homecoming King, straight A student, volunteers at a local animal shelter every day after school, and even though he's been an eagle scout for 5 years, helps underprivileged boys earn their eagle scout!

Natalie is a sophomore in high school and has already won the state tennis championship twice! She also plays the violin Utah symphony, is simultaneously going to college, and is president of her Mia Maid class. Not to mention, she just won a nobel peace prize for her work in biology!

George is a freshmen in high school, but is set to graduate next year. He's been offered scholarships to Harvard, Yale, Stanford, and Brown. This summer George broke several world records in the pool, but still found time to go to his first stake dance!

Tiffany launched her own clothing and perfume line, won the PGA tournament, and is loving middle school! She's really looking forward to becoming a beehive, having Nike sponsor her next golf tour, and winning the National Merit Scholarship!

We hope your year was just as amazing and productive as ours was! We're looking forward to another year, and can't wait to update you again next Christmas! Happy Holidays!

Aren't the exclamation points great? It's the perfect punctuation to a perfectly pretentious sentence. I just want to hear about whether or not Betsey lost a tooth, spare me your shopping details. No one cares about your yacht.


Jana said...

Each child seems to become more successful than the last. Poor Kelly, her 4.9 GPA and mere acceptance into Julliard (sans scholarship) must be such a disappointment to her parents next to George and Tiffany.

Brooke said...

So so so so true! Reading this makes me so thankful that my mom never sends out a Christmas letter. Of course, with our family the letter would simply read: "The dog died, but the rest of us survived another year. Merry Christmas!"

LARRY said...

Bad Girls..... In your journey through life you have circles of friends, including your inner,inner circle which is usually just reserved for family. In our faith, our ward often draws near to the inner family level, but with ward splits, move-aways, etc. people that were in a closer ring move outward. You still care about them, but others who moved into the ward have taken their inner space.. but you still love and care for the lost friendship. The younger generation is all facebook, text and blogs. That is their social connector,but for an older generation the Christmas Letter update is that social touching. For earlier generations it was a handwritten, and signed Christmas Card. Be kind to the old traditions for someday the youth will make fun guessed it!

Audrey said...

I would hope that the people that truly care about my friendship would want to preserve it in a way that called for more effort than sticking a stamp on a universal letter they made 500 copies of at Kinko's. Telephone call, anyone?

Lauren said...

preach it!
I vow to never include a letter in my christmas cards when I have a family of my own. I mean if I really wanted these people to know all the details of my life, I would have called ... not written a letter the last month of the year.